Last week, we experienced a loss. Eric and I were growing a baby and found out that it wasn’t meant to be this time around. We were disappointed and my heart was heavy. I’m ready to be a mother and we were on our way. Two pink lines – something I’ve been imagining and waiting for. And just like that, it was gone. Miscarriages happen. I know this. It’s a common thing and happens more than I realized. You hear about pregnancies that are well on their way. You don’t hear about miscarriages until you have one. It’s amazing how many of my friends have let me know that I’m not alone. It’s my body’s way of clearing out what must not have been viable. I know this and still, the journey through it is sad. Besides the love and support of our close friends and family, three words have really helped me navigate this road. They’ve become my new mantra – a way to navigate physical and emotional adversity.
Acceptance – I start by being present and aware of what is. It’s amazing how powerful and cathartic it can be to just acknowledge and accept something as it is. Eric always says, “it’s not the challenge that hurts. It’s my resistance to the challenge that hurts.” I really believe this to be true. So, I recognize the challenge in front of me and accept it fully. I’ve noticed it even feels helpful to verbalize what it actually is that I’m accepting. “Alright, we’re not having this baby after all. It’s not meant to be.” Even when the words are said through tears, I accept what is.
Compassion – This is the hard part. The word compassion is a reminder to be gentle with myself. When I start getting hard on myself, thinking I should be feeling or acting differently than I am, I dig into my stores of compassion. I imagine that my friend is going through the same thing and try to imagine how I would comfort her. I am so much harder on myself than I am with my friends. I give myself a little extra love and try to allow myself the time and space to feel all the emotions that come up for me.
Breath – For me, breath represents space and time. It’s giving myself the opportunity to be sad, to cry, and to be hopeful again. Many times, it’s literally a few mindful breaths as I think about this mantra that helps me feel calm and grounded. Breathing is relaxing into the moment and being present with what is.
Life is fragile and beautiful and I totally surrender to the magic of it all, one breath at a time.